Love & do. And don't stop.

I wanted to remember something, so I grabbed my little cork notebook that I carry with me at all times. I suppose it's a journal, but for some reason I have an aversion to the word "journal." It's full of thoughts; sometimes a word, sometimes a few pages.

I opened it up and came across this. I really needed to remember this today, and thought I'd share with you.

You are great. You are unique. You are special. And the same applies to you.

Progress and preparation!

I'm looking to let go of a whole lot of clothes. Some in person, some on eBay! I'll keep you all in the loop. I have a lot of great barely/never worn shoes, winter coats, great jackets, skirts, tops, belts, accessories - you name it.

I couldn't help but smile at this moment below while organizing... Progress is great, but I really do miss some of my stuff. It's certainly a nice problem, though.

Here's the thing: whether we are 125lbs or 325lbs, we all deserve to feel good, look good, and have fun with fashion. I just so happen to have had a bit too much fun at times! So if you need some new duds, I may be able to help.

More details headed your way soon!

Run, Sarah, Run.

Tonight, I ran.

The forecast said rain.  Dusk had already set in.  But, something about getting caught in the midst of what will most likely be the last warm, rainy deluge of the season just sounded enchantingly refreshing.  IPhone in Ziplock baggie (yeah, makeshift waterproofing...), Tanlines in earbuds, I set off.

I hit record on my my MapMyRun app, and set off walking to Green Grass by Tanlines (which I have listened to at least 30 times today - no exaggeration).  Then, I started running.  What felt like about 2 minutes later, I heard the lovely voice from my app tell me, "Time:  Eight minutes and three seconds.  Distance: 1.0 miles."

Ehhhhh...  That can't be right.  I'm restarting this app...  Yeah, that can't be right.  Do over.

So, I started recording my run over again.  This time?

Lovely-app-lady voice:  "Time: Seven minutes, thirty seconds.  Distance: 1.0 miles."  She said the pace and whatnot, too, but I just couldn't believe it.

Me:  "WHAAAAAAAA?!!!  NO way..." and decided to push myself a bit.

The next mile was under 7 minutes.  So, I kept running until I heard her say, "Time:  Twenty-nine minutes, 23 seconds.  Distance:  4.0 miles."

In the middle of the sidewalk just outside of the Kalamazoo Institute of Arts, I exclaimed, "HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  HECK yes!"  Surely, everyone walking out of the museum exhibit there tonight could hear the lovely woman's voice giving me such delightful news in my ear, too...  I actually felt myself accidentally smiling at this elderly man as I walked by as though he should be really excited for me, too.  Ah well.  Worst case scenario, he'll think I'm weird.  Best case scenario, he'll get a chuckle out of it.

Forgive the rambling - I am writing this while post-run endorphins are in full effect.

Part of me wanting to keep going - just because.  Why not?  I'm feeling up for it.  And then, like a kind little nudge saying to be happy with what I'd done but not push too hard, the rain began.

Point is:  I ran 5 miles in about 38 minutes, and this is something I never imagined that I would be able to do. Little by little, I'm improving.  Push a little harder.  Run a little further.  You will be happily surprised.

Update:  I'm thinking my app was totally off.  I did some figuring, and it was really more like 45 minutes, but I am still pleased as punch with that!

I can fly.

By the seat of my pants.

Over the first big hump and giant fall on a rollercoaster.

Off a diving board.

Through my favorite online shops in .2 seconds flat and pinterest the heck out of them.

Through 2lbs of raw green beans in 30 minutes flat.

And out the side of a mother-loving plane 13,000 feet up.

People...

So much has been up in the air.  My living situation, my job changing yet again, plus all the magic, random, greatness summer throws at you 794 times a week; all of these have made for a few months of so very much uncertainty, and a scrambling-frazzled-slightly-kookoo Sarah.  It's all I've talked about!  Because: it's true.  

In the midst of a run a while back, I got a call from one of my nearest & dearest who was having a rough evening due to some general douchebaggery that she had, unfortunately, experienced.  After calming down my inner rage-monster (don't mess with my loves, and don't keep me from working out - I go green and play with SUV's like they're Tonka Trucks), I met up with my friend, and a pretty grand opportunity arose.

Her:  "Wanna go skydiving?"

Me:  Instant elation, mental image of running and jumping out of a plane at full bore, intense desire to do it immediately.  And then I used my word(s)...

"YES!!!!!!!!!"

I've never had an intense desire to skydive, but as soon as this opportunity presented itself, it was done.  I was smitten with the idea.  I could not wait until the moment I got to jump out of a plane, and this mental video clip, of sorts, just kept replaying in my mind of me sprinting unreservedly out of a plane with the biggest grin on my face ever.  It was done.

As soon as we got there, I saw this guy.  He was nutty.  He was loud, hilarious, rough around the edges, and looked like he'd be a whole lot of fun and/or trouble.  So, when I heard him say, "ALL RIGHT - which one of you's SARAH?!" I was pleased.

I kept waiting for the moment when I'd get nervous or have second thoughts, but it never happened.  They even had to make us wait to resolve an issue with the plane, and that made me even more excited.

Fast forward past some coffee, great tunes, and watching others make it back to planet earth a few times to me, dangling out in mid-air, strapped to the chest of Crazy Todd.  My eyes are closed, yes, but it was a moment of happiness, I assure you.  

The butterflies that accompanied the initial drop were unreal. That moment of dropping straight down, feet first, was one of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced.  Falling.  Just falling...

I've felt a bit like I've been falling all summer - having jumped off of something with no bottom in sight, no person strapped to my back ready to pull the cord for me, and a frenzied, flailing, rather ungraceful fall.  I've been so concerned with seeing what I'm about to come careening down into, that I've neglected taking in the view of all the great things that have happened along the way.

Before I jumped, I had a chat with another one of the divers who worked there.  He asked how I was feeling about it, and I let him know that at this point, my only emotion was thrilled anticipation.  He gave me some great advice: no matter what, do not look down.  It wasn't that it's scary to look down, but he said, "Why bother staring at the ground, when all of the good stuff is straight ahead?"

So I took his advice.  I checked out the landscape a few times, but I spent what felt like an hour watching the skyline.  I watched as I grew closer to the clouds and then blew right through them.  I watched as the skyline faded into a slightly lighter blue.  And I smiled.  I smiled so much my face hurt when it was over.

Was it scary?!

What about the whole you-could-die thing?

Why?

No.
I didn't think of that...  I really didn't.  There was a pro stuck to my back, and all I wanted to do was run and jump and fly.
Why not?  

It was so quiet.
It was so peaceful.
It was magical.
It was absolute bliss.

The combination of being out of control yet completely at peace with the moment was just...  Correct.  I can't think of another word.  It was right.

Learning to be at peace with where you're at is something that I've been trying to learn for a long time.  During one of the key moments in my life, totally disconcerted and depressed with life as it was, my Dad told me, "Sarah.  You will not be able to progress until you are at peace with where you're at."

This is something that has come to mind more times than I can possibly recollect, and has been a bigger lesson than what I could have imagined.

So, what now?  Instead of feeling as though life is currently an ungraceful, frenzied, frightening fall with nothing but uncertainty and an impending rocky abyss awaiting to meet me, I'm going look ahead.  I'm going to remind myself that while I may be in mid free-fall, I need to take in the view and appreciate everything that's going on right in front of me.

I gave myself some time this summer to take a break and remember what it's like to live without being so overly control-freaked-out that I missed out on life.  I ate things I shouldn't have.  I drank things I shouldn't have.  I went places and did things at the drop of a hat.  While it was great, I've also been guilt-ridden the whole entire way. We'll talk more about this soon.  But, what do I have because of my giving in a bit?  Some amazing memories and life lessons, including learning to realize that the difference between falling and flying is as simple as putting my chin up.



Even if my face looks like this:

PS - Don't even pretend you haven't used "Pinterest" as a verb, too.  

Little Victory

Sometimes, I see an article of clothing that belongs to me and just can't believe that it's mine. How is it possible that I fit in that? I don't see myself as I was, but I still can't quite fathom what I am, either. Perception is a funny thing.

I remember when the drying rack wasn't wide enough for my shirts. My clothes stay on hangers now... Oh, the little things.

SWEATY BEATS!

An installment of Sweaty Beats is well overdue.

What music has you kicking fat's miserable little bum these days?  I am a strange creature with music running through my veins and brains nearly 100% of the time.  I usually wake up with a song stuck in my head.  I often dance around the office while getting things done if I'm alone.  I dance around my house unabashedly singing along, and have a strange tendency to do things on beat.  Putting dishes away to music?  Yup - on beat.  Walking to my bathroom?  Same.  I have a playlist for both walking and using the elliptical machine, and yes - I do them on beat.  I even chew gum on beat.  I love to work out, but when a song moves me, it gives me a boost like almost no other.  Combine that with espresso, and it's dangerous.

Call me crazy if you will - it's how I roll.  

And here is what has kept me rollin' in the gym...   Please enjoy these 10 gems that I absolutely can not get enough of lately.  

1.  This Must Be The Place - Talking Heads

2.  Damaged Goods - Gang of Four
3.  Tryouts for The Human Race - Sparks (My favorite for the last month BY far.)
4.  Yeah (Crass Version) - LCD Soundsystem
5.  Hey Boy Hey Girl - The Chemical Brothers
6.  Heart of Hearts - !!!
7.  Champion Sound (Alt. Version) - Crystal Fighters
8.  Ready to Start - Arcade Fire (I can't get sick of this album, The Suburbs.)
9.  Date with The Night - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
10.  Chains of Love - The Dirtbombs
11.  Disarm - Smashing Pumpkins (Good pace, but slowin' down. Classic.)


You know I can never choose just 10...  I am utterly shocked no 60's music made it in.  There are plenty more, so keep an eye out on twitter or the facebook page for when the spirit moves me while working out and I post a goodie or two on there.

Happy working out!  Kick some bum.

Somebody got a smart phone...

Me. Yes, me. I finally have an iPhone. And in homage, here are some photos that have been apped up the wazoo.

Last night, I made the light eggplant parmesan again for the family, and it turned out awesome. Hard pressed to find anything non-awesome with it when it's less than 250 calories for a big serving and has homemade red wine tomato sauce... Naturally, dessert followed care of my dear friend Krista - Snickerdoodle ice cream sandwiches that were a dream.

Coming soon: a recipe for amazing personal pizza, and my elated face 13,000 feet up in the sky.