5 Days of Sarah's Birthday: Today, I celebrate my singleness.

The title of this blog is still as appropriate as ever.

Late bloomer.  

I'm going to be 33, and I still feel as though I'm learning like I'm 23.  It's taken me a while to get there, but my 30's have definitely been my time to blossom.  Instead of dwelling on the things about myself that disappoint me, that I want to fix, that I think I haven't done well enough, and all my failures and shortcomings as I usually do, I chose to do a little something different.

On Facebook yesterday, I wrote:

On this, the 5th day before I turn 33, I have decided that I will not judge myself as usual, but instead celebrate who I've become.

Day 5: I am grateful that I exist. I like getting to know me. I like Sarah Bauman. If I weren't her, I'd want to be her pal. You're alright, Sarah Bauman.

I have the greatest friends who were quick to remind me that they've know this all along.  I have the greatest friends - the best friends I've ever had, and I'm so in love with them.  But...  

Something that's been nagging at me a little more recently...  My perpetual singleness.  

Today, on the fourth day before turn 33, I will continue choosing to not judge myself as usual, and celebrate who I've become.

Day 4: I am grateful that I am single, and have really never been otherwise.  There have been many "almost's," many brilliantly random encounters that just don't seem to happen in real life (but they do!) that scream in and disappear just as quickly.  

I'm really glad I've never had my heart shattered after having been in love and lost.  Don't get me wrong - my heart's been broken.  But I don't know what it's like to be in love and lose that.

I'd rather be single than be someone's "maybe."  

I'd rather be single than be in something I know is temporary and futile.  

I'd rather be single than tolerated.  

I'd rather be single than strung along.

I'd rather be single than with someone who, after ages, just can't put a label on it.  

I'd rather be single and a little naive than jaded.

I'd rather be single and, despite how futile it can seem sometimes, still have hope.

I'd rather be single and strong and in love with loving everyone than settle for less than that with one.

Eventually, there will be one.  We'll both come screaming in, in one heck of an epic collision.   Eventually...  But until then, this will do just fine.  

30’s, Here I Come: Gained a year, and lost 90lbs.

This has been a big year.  It hasn’t been all roses, but the cumulative average of greatness this year is pretty darn high.  I set myself a goal on September 19^th of losing 30 more pounds by the time I turned 30 on December 19^th, which would bring me to a total of 90lbs lost since March. I’m delighted to tell you that I have, in fact, lost 93. 

A dream in size large.  I love this dress!

I really couldn’t decide what I wanted to do for my 30^thbirthday.  Apparently, even facebook advertising knew this and kept suggesting I go to Vegas with a bunch of poorly dressed women.  The only things I knew for certain were that I wanted an outfit that made me feel invincibly gorgeous, and to have fun.  And to DJ.

And that I did.

Thanksgiving weekend, my Mom and I stopped in to a boutique during Small Business Saturday and I saw a dress that was just so remarkable I had to try it on.  It was a “normal people” size large.  I really didn’t think it would, but for some reason it fit amazing.  It fit so amazingly that my Mom texted all of “the girls” to show them how neat I looked in the dress.  As much as I loved the dress, it was definitely out of my price range.  I’m not one to pine very much over things I can’t afford, so I decided to enjoy the fact that a gorgeous dress in a regular store had fit me like a dream.

Last week, my Aunt and Cousin came to visit, and some of the closest and most important ladies in my life and I went to dinner, then to see Irving Berlin’s White Christmas.  At dinner, my Mom handed me a lovely gift bag that was really reminiscent of “the” dress, and I thought it was really nice that she’d gotten a bag that reminded us of that dress. 

Yeah. 

I moved the tissue paper to the side, had the most ridiculous, excited, America’s funniest home videos face, and there was the dress.  I cried.  I was honestly stunned.  They’d all chipped in and bought me the dress. 

Saturday was a lovely day.  I slept in, worked out, then was lucky enough to have my friend (and hairdresser) Erika style my hair.  I donned my gorgeous, new frock and headed out for dinner and music with a bunch of my favorite people.  I danced the night away at my favorite dance party, and even DJed for the first time in seven years – a shamefully long time.  It was a fantastic night, and I genuinely felt the most awesome I have in so long that I can’t remember.  I looked and felt fantastic.

T. Rex, Iggy Pop, Beatles, Jimi...  Happy Birthday to me.

A part of me dreaded turning 30.  In your 20’s, it’s so easy to think of all the ways you’ll have failed at life if you haven’t succeeded before they’re over.  I mean, life is practically over at 30.  So if you haven’t made something of yourself by then, you’re doomed.  Really.  Completely and utterly doomed.

I was sorely, wonderfully mistaken. 

My twenties were a time where I found my worth and my confidence in what I did, and when what I did wasn’t very cool anymore, I lost myself.  My 29^th year was a time of preparation for what was to come.  While I may not have made a lot of tangible, visible, or measurable progress, my mind was going through a lot of things that gave way to the amazing changes this year brought.  I’ve been working on taking control of the things that I can and should control, and forcing myself to remember to have a little faith about the things that I just can’t control. 

I am in love.  Not with anyone or anything in particular, but with life and people and everything that could and will happen.  Things seem to really be coming together.  I keep having this feeling that something is just ‘round the corner, but I don’t know what.  Or why…  Or when, even.  I just know that I’m ready for it.

I have a feeling my 30’s are going to be mighty fine.

Owning 30.

Turning 28, dreading 29...

Turning 29, appalled at accomplishing so little at nearly 30...