30’s, Here I Come: Gained a year, and lost 90lbs.

This has been a big year.  It hasn’t been all roses, but the cumulative average of greatness this year is pretty darn high.  I set myself a goal on September 19^th of losing 30 more pounds by the time I turned 30 on December 19^th, which would bring me to a total of 90lbs lost since March. I’m delighted to tell you that I have, in fact, lost 93. 

A dream in size large.  I love this dress!

I really couldn’t decide what I wanted to do for my 30^thbirthday.  Apparently, even facebook advertising knew this and kept suggesting I go to Vegas with a bunch of poorly dressed women.  The only things I knew for certain were that I wanted an outfit that made me feel invincibly gorgeous, and to have fun.  And to DJ.

And that I did.

Thanksgiving weekend, my Mom and I stopped in to a boutique during Small Business Saturday and I saw a dress that was just so remarkable I had to try it on.  It was a “normal people” size large.  I really didn’t think it would, but for some reason it fit amazing.  It fit so amazingly that my Mom texted all of “the girls” to show them how neat I looked in the dress.  As much as I loved the dress, it was definitely out of my price range.  I’m not one to pine very much over things I can’t afford, so I decided to enjoy the fact that a gorgeous dress in a regular store had fit me like a dream.

Last week, my Aunt and Cousin came to visit, and some of the closest and most important ladies in my life and I went to dinner, then to see Irving Berlin’s White Christmas.  At dinner, my Mom handed me a lovely gift bag that was really reminiscent of “the” dress, and I thought it was really nice that she’d gotten a bag that reminded us of that dress. 

Yeah. 

I moved the tissue paper to the side, had the most ridiculous, excited, America’s funniest home videos face, and there was the dress.  I cried.  I was honestly stunned.  They’d all chipped in and bought me the dress. 

Saturday was a lovely day.  I slept in, worked out, then was lucky enough to have my friend (and hairdresser) Erika style my hair.  I donned my gorgeous, new frock and headed out for dinner and music with a bunch of my favorite people.  I danced the night away at my favorite dance party, and even DJed for the first time in seven years – a shamefully long time.  It was a fantastic night, and I genuinely felt the most awesome I have in so long that I can’t remember.  I looked and felt fantastic.

T. Rex, Iggy Pop, Beatles, Jimi...  Happy Birthday to me.

A part of me dreaded turning 30.  In your 20’s, it’s so easy to think of all the ways you’ll have failed at life if you haven’t succeeded before they’re over.  I mean, life is practically over at 30.  So if you haven’t made something of yourself by then, you’re doomed.  Really.  Completely and utterly doomed.

I was sorely, wonderfully mistaken. 

My twenties were a time where I found my worth and my confidence in what I did, and when what I did wasn’t very cool anymore, I lost myself.  My 29^th year was a time of preparation for what was to come.  While I may not have made a lot of tangible, visible, or measurable progress, my mind was going through a lot of things that gave way to the amazing changes this year brought.  I’ve been working on taking control of the things that I can and should control, and forcing myself to remember to have a little faith about the things that I just can’t control. 

I am in love.  Not with anyone or anything in particular, but with life and people and everything that could and will happen.  Things seem to really be coming together.  I keep having this feeling that something is just ‘round the corner, but I don’t know what.  Or why…  Or when, even.  I just know that I’m ready for it.

I have a feeling my 30’s are going to be mighty fine.

Owning 30.

Turning 28, dreading 29...

Turning 29, appalled at accomplishing so little at nearly 30...

This is how we do it. Part 1 - Get off your bum.

Yeah, that's an awful song and it's stuck in your head now, too.

Chunk doesn't like the idea of diets, either.

Thanks to a lovely person who commented on my last post, I realized I have never really told you guys about my struggles with losing weight my whole life, and what has helped me finally conquer this beast.

Well, one thing I can tell you that I know for certain from this process:  there are no quick fixes.  Gimmicks and crash diets will not last, and if we aren't willing to change our lifestyle, our lives simply will not change.

I really don't think of what I'm doing as a diet, but a bit more like taking a red pen and giving things a good edit.  I could very easily continue my current lifestyle for the rest of time, and I would be perfectly content.  I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough!  Balance is key!

So, how have I done it?  What are my tricks, tools, and a few of my favorite things? There is no way I could possibly fit it all into one blog (I'm not exactly known for my brevity in the talking department...).  The things that have made the biggest difference for me, though, are:

Staying active.
Logging what I eat and developing a more interesting, aware, balanced relationship with food.
Making good, calculated, conscious decisions knowing that the "feely" part will happen later.

We'll get to all three of those, but today one in particular is on the brain.

Getting off my duff.  Purposefully, and regularly.
I was active for most of my life.  College came, and I gained some fluff.  From being on my duff.  Oh, all this rhyming is making me a bit nauseous.  But, anyway.  After losing weight from dancing, walking everywhere, and spending all of my money on records rather than food, I moved home from England and got a desk job.
Depression from lack of England + desk job = chub.

If it's within your means, go see a doctor and get a trainer!  I love to push myself, but if I do things like squats and lunges more than a couple of times a week, it leaves me in great pain and I've got to take it easy for a couple of days.  There are a few things I'd really like to ask a Doctor about and get checked out.  Thanks to an amazing deal on Groupon, though, I will have a trainer to get tips from soon!  I'll always find it satisfying, though, getting past that point where you think you're done, only to feel like you could go all day.  And I love feeling sore the next day!

Exercise has absolutely helped bring me back to life.  I'm fitter, stronger and in better shape, but the difference it's made in my overall countenance is outstanding.  If you think starting to exercise sounds laborious and daunting, just wait to see the ogre in you that pops out when you've not done it in a few days.  Even if you only do it three or four times a week for about a half hour, you're still doing it!

I typically work out five or six times a week, even if I only have time for 20-30 minutes, but I really like to get a few in a week that are at least 45 minutes to an hour.  I do a whole assortment of things - walking, jogging, using my parents' elliptical machine, Tae Bo, pilates videos I've downloaded from Fit TV, or playing EA Active and Just Dance games on the Nintendo Wii.  If you've got OnDemand, there are dozens and dozens of workouts available!  Take the kids or your dogs on a walk.  Have "workout dates" with friends.  I like to do things alone most of the time; I push myself harder.  I do a lot of thinking when I work out.  Figure out what works for you, and do it.

I used to be the queen of absurd, self-imposed time constraints and excuses for not making it happen.  It's a bunch of nonsense!  Don't make excuses.  Adapt!  Change!  I didn't think I could.  Turns out I was wrong.  But, if you're anything like me, no amount of hearing it from others will make you do it.  Something had to give, and then I just got on with it.  It's such a cliché, but I wholeheartedly believe this...  If I can do it, so can you.

Today, I ended up taking some adorable puppies on two walks and spending an hour on the elliptical machine.  I feel GOOD.

What works for you guys?  What challenges or frustrations seem to be popping up?  Share!

The "D" Word.

Yeah.  The “D” word.  Go ahead – guess which one it is.

Dresses?  Dorky?  Does she mean a swear word?  No, dumby…  Oh -that’s a D-word, too…

Dating.  I hate that word.  When I think of dating, I think of some awkward, lame thing you do for an evening with some person you’ve barely just met, and a bunch of annoying, stupid things and whatnot.  Do I sound like a bratty little teenager?  WELL – you don’t  date anyone properly for, like, 7 years and we’ll see how far you regress.  I haven’t been interested in anyone in a very, very, verylong time.  It’s partly because I just haven’t, but I’m also pretty sure it’s because I’ve been pulling an ostrich, too. 

The idea of "dating" makes me about as comfortable as this video's business-man-by-day-wild-man-by-night, Maurice, and scrawny-wouldn't-have-made-it-as-a-viking Fred.  For lots of reasons.

Before you lose weight, it’s very easy to think, “Gee, golly – when I lose weight, I’ll be one pretty desirable hepcat!  It’ll be so much easier then!  Everything will just magically work out because I’m thinner – HOORAY!”

Well, I very well may be one desirable hepcat.  But this is another side of me I've kept safely hidden behind my steadily deteriorating wall of flubber.  Like many other things I've talked with you guys about, getting back in touch with it causes more of that annoying but liberating self-realization/growth nonsense.  I really am a pro at keeping things away that might hurt my heart.

I’ve never been one of those girls who embraced their size.  There are plenty of beautiful, strong, fantastic women who have.  I have never been comfortable with my physical body.  I’ve always known how to dress well – hide the funny bits and flatter the good ones…  I’ve never been shy, and I’ve always liked the things that are intrinsically me.  At times, I've thought that my personality and "coolness" were great enough to help people overlook my physical shortcomings, but I don't think I've ever really felt that it's possible for me to find love without fixing my exterior. 

Actually, what I really thought was that there was no way I would be able to meet someone great. I would either have to be single, or put up with someone gross enough to settle for me.  So, I’d rather be alone. 

Do I feel this way about people other people?  No.  Do we all say horrible, awful things to ourselves that we would never say to another person?  Abso-freaking-lutely.  The thought of someone saying things like that to a person I care about gives me the instant urge to cause them physical pain.  A couple of times.  But, somehow, it is always perfectly acceptable when trying to fairly, realistically analyze myself. 

So, I suppose I was right.  My exterior did have to change, but not for the destructive reasons I'd convinced myself of, and not to make me worthy of love.  Things at my core had to be shaken, rearranged, and sorted out so that I could be capable of accepting love should it happen to come my way.

So, when will it happen for me?  When will I finally meet someone again?

Who knows?  I look forward to it, but I don't care when.  For now, I am happy learning to love myself little by little.