Sixty, Shmixty: Another 10lb Benchmark Smashed

According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, the average nine-year-old weighs about 60 pounds.  I am happy to announce that I have finally gotten rid of an obnoxious, burdensome nine-year-old child.  And their four pound teddy bear. 

I’ve hovered at 59.5 pounds for the last few weeks.  Despite working out, things have been tight and I haven’t been eating as regularly and as balanced as I should.  You’d think I'd lose weight that way, but no – it messes with my body.  So after a week of good eatin’ as well as regularly working out, I lost 4.5 pounds, which puts me at 252.8.  I am SO close to being on the lower end of the 200’s. 

I remember celebrating with my roommate when the 300’s were a thing of the past.  Now, they’re long gone, never to be seen again.  Then I was out of the 290’s, then the 280’s, and now – I’m 3 pounds away from being nearer to the 100’s than the 300’s.  And I will never go back. 

I was a total nail-biter for most of my life.  Then, a few years ago, I wanted to stop.  So, I did.  When I finally make up my mind about something, it’s done.  And I don’t go back.  I just wish it didn’t take me so long to finally just do it. 

Grey pants on left: at my heaviest, a size 28, and well over 300 pounds.  Skirt in center: I'd lost a little weight last  year and
 was excited I could uncomfortably wear this size 26, still over 300 pounds.  Jeans on the right:  my old size 24 "skinny jeans"
that I could barely fit into when I started this process in March at 316.5 pounds.  I'm now a size 18 on bottom, and 16/18 on top.  

If you’re wondering what my goal is, join the club.  Not even I know.  Right now, I’m getting there 10 pounds at a time.  The weird thing is, the more I lose, the more I’m realizing how much more I have to go.  There really, truly is a smaller person underneath all of this than I ever realized.  So, why try to pin down something I don’t even quite grasp yet?  

I do know what I want, though. 

I want to be a healthy, fit, vibrant person.  I want to have an overall downward trajectory in my weight loss, even if there are a few squiggles in the line along the way.  I want others to be encouraged by my experiences, especially the odd ones that only someone who’s been there might understand.  I want others to know they can do this.  I want to constantly find joy in the small ways that my life has changed, knowing that a huge thing is happening. 

And I want to go shopping, but we’ll talk about that another day.  

No-Guilt Yum-Yum for Your Tum-Tum

This morning, while deliriously flailing my arms about trying to kill my clock that had just startlingly interrupted a comatose sleep, there was a “BANG-BANG-BANG!!!” on my door.  Then, I heard my roommate’s cheeky four-year-old voice saying, “Hey Saywuhhhhh, wanna go for a walk and get Starrrrbuuuucks?”  I didn’t know what the heck was going on, but some conscious part of me knew that it sounded like a great idea. 

So, today's been a great day thus far; a walk in the rain, Starbucks, and then lunch, all for less than 380 total calories. 

What’d I get at Starbucks? 
Venti Iced Americano with Splenda and 3-4 tablespoons of skim milk.  Total:  45 calories.

Don't fear me!

What’d I eat for lunch? 
Avocado Tuna Salad sandwich and a cup of watermelon.  Total:  333 calories.

Avocado Tuna Salad Ingredients (serves 2):  

1 whole avocado, delightfully squished with a potato masher
2 tablespoons of Kraft Light Miracle Whip (tastes equally good with Light Mayo)
1 can of tuna in water
2 Earthgrains 100% Multi-Grain Thin Bun
10 cucumber slices

Can I make a lunch for fewer calories?  
Yes.  But, I know that I need to incorporate things like avocados that are full of healthy fats, essential vitamins and even more potassium than bananas.  I'm trying to be healthy, not just lose weight.  I love it because it’s a filling, wholesome, balanced lunch.   And it’s just plain yummy.  

Now, it’s workout time.  Hope you’re having a good day, too.

 

Fat Archaeology

Would consider being chased by these if it
meant Jeff Goldbum would save me.

Christmas, 1992: our family had gone to the theatre to see a holiday movie.  On the television screens in the lobby, I saw someone drill a tiny hole into an amber stone, insert a needle, then pull out dino-DNA from a mosquito. 

Blood rushed to my face, adrenalin surged through my body, and I was beside myself insisting we absolutely had to see it.  Of course, I was ecstatic afterwards, despite being terrified that Velociraptors were going to chase me up the stairs and “compies” (Compsognathus) were going to nibble my toes if I let my feet dangle off of my bed.

I wanted so badly to be an Archaeologist and used to daydream about Egyptian ruins, Mayan temples, and most of all, how exciting it would be discovering dinosaurs’ remains. 

After all my dreaming, I’ve finally had a few successful discoveries.  They are as follows:

My collar bones. 
My knees. 
My elbows. 
Some kind of bones in my butt I can feel when I sit flat on the floor…
My ribs.
My knuckles.
I could be mistaken, but I do appear to have shoulders forming.  Will report back when officially confirmed.

Knuckles exposed.

I had no idea there was unfluffy matter underneath that extraneous, uncharted, fatty landscape.  Now, the downside to revealing these bones: less safety padding than there used to be.  It is highly likely that my clumsiness will result in pain due to the lack of natural cushioning.  Nevertheless!  I am happy to be making these discoveries, and have dubbed the discovery process of my body revealing its hidden features “Fat Archaeology.”

If you’ve never been as overweight as I have, this may seem a bit silly.   Well, Fat Archaeology really is a bit silly – but it’s thrilling to see and feel things I never have before.  The weight loss process is so full of little victories every day that no one else may understand.  These little victories (physically, mentally, and spiritually) could happen at any moment.  And while they may seem small, these are by far the most huge and most rewarding victories I have encountered along the way. 

You’re going to see mini-blogs on here regularly entitled “Fat Archaeology” and “Little Victories.”  I would absolutely love to hear about your “Little Victories.”  Feel free to post your unique, odd, embarrassing, thrilling, little victories that pop up out of nowhere on here, or on my facebook page.  

By the way – no, I did not have to look up Compsognathus. 

That’s, Like, Soooo Seven Years Ago…

There is nothing greater than looking through old photos and seeing the clothing and hair choices you made in your younger days.

Oh, wait…

I came across an outfit I wore more than anything else while I lived in England.  Sesame Street Fever T-Shirt, holey jeans that have been patched by other chopped up clothing over and over again, and this gold belt I wore every day.  The only thing I’m missing is the pair of black Chucks I wore to the point of disintegration (literally – I’d duct taped them together).  So, as I nearly always do when cleaning my room, I got distracted and started playing dress up. 

First thought?
“Really?  I used to wear this?  Hmm…  I’m so glad I stopped just admiring fashion and started wearing it…”

Second thought…

“Ha!  They’re HUGE!!!”

I have felt so incredibly defeated lately about so many things, including the fact that I’ve only lost about 1 pound in the last two weeks.  Then I try on clothes from the time I was the happiest I’ve ever been, both with life and with myself, and they’re too big.  Or, should I say, I’m now too small for them.  I had to remind myself, “You have lost nearly 60 pounds since March.  YOU have lost nearly 60 pounds since March...” 

So, in honor of being too small for your clothes, there is a photo above with an outfit that made me feel invincible back then, and a view of what Sarah (yes, my stomach just turned a bit at the realization I spoke in third person) right now would wear and feel equally awesome. 

Third thought.
“Hmm.  This is awesome.  I should totally wear this again…”

We’ll have to see about that.

Photo 1…  Cardigan: Who Knows.  Jeans/Gold Belt: Evans.  Sesame Street Fever Tee: Disney World.

Photo 2…  Shirt/Pants/Black Wedge Ankle Boots/Ted Baker Four Bow Bangle Bracelet: ASOS Curve. 
Grey Faux Suede Moto Jacket:  Evans.  Gold Triangle Necklace/Chain Strap Red Crossbody Bag: Urban Outfitters.

Sweaty beats.

Key to good workout music?  Be your own DJ.  If it’s got a good tempo, if it makes you happy, if it makes you want to dance, add it.  If it just makes you incredibly happy, add it!  I mean, who’d think that “Stuck in the Middle with You” by Steelers Wheel would make it into a workout mix?  Well, it makes me happy, and it’s a great warmup pace.  So I use it.  There’s no wrong or right.  Just do it.

I’ve got a somewhat regular mix I use, but my roommate, Caity, and I thought it would be fun to give you our top 10 workout songs each month.  So for the month of August, here you go!

Sarah's top picks...  Listen here!

Chicago - Old Days
ELO - Boy Blue
Steelers Wheel - Stuck in the Middle With You
George Baker Selection - Little Green Bag
T. Rex - 20th Century Boy
David Bowie - Sufragette City
Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers - Roadrunner
Crystal Castles - Vanished
Joy Division - Isolation
XTC - Helicopter

Caity's top picks...  Listen here!  
White Stripes - Hotel Yorba
The Knack - My Sharona
Tori Amos - Big Wheel
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Date with the Night
Talking Heads - Lifetime Piling Up
Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song
Lady Gaga - Just Dance
Modest Mouse - Dashboard
James - Laid
Fleetwood Mac - Don't Stop

It was so hard to pick just 10.
What would you have in your mix?  Do tell!

Life's a Beach.

Today, I was scolded cheekily by a state trooper next to me at the Mattawan, Michigan highway exit for listening to Neil Diamond too loudly. 

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but it was awesome and it was absolutely imperative that you know this. 

“A cop scolded you, eh?”

“Yes.  Apparently cops don’t like Neil Diamond singing about women from Kentucky.  THE nerve.  I bet he hates people named Caroline, too…”

But, alas – I digress!  I guess it does fit, because I was listening to Cool 101, my favorite oldies station on the planet, on the way to grab my roommate so we could head off to South Haven for the afternoon.  Michigan summers are sublime, and there’s not much of it left.  So, naturally, we felt it was our duty as Michiganders to go to Lake Michigan today.  With diet green tea and quite a smorgasbord of beef jerky in tow, we did just that. 

The beach has always been, for some reason, a safety zone for me.  Whatever it is about me that I try so desperately to hide the majority of the time seems to fall away as soon as there is water present.  My arms, my thighs, my tummy…  We could all dissect the living daylights out of ourselves, regardless of our size.  But when there is water present – pools, water parks, the beach...  All bets are OFF and it’s swim time. 

Why can’t I apply this reckless abandon more often?  Maybe it’s because the beach is a place where all bets are off for everyone.  Everybody’s vulnerable at the beach, but no one seems to give a hoot.  Bellies jiggle while footballs are thrown and overly-dramatically dove for.  Mistake tramp-stamps from that outrageous high school spring break 10 years ago abound.  And who cares?   Probably no one!  It’s the BEACH! 

I bet even Neil Diamond looks ridiculous at the beach.  Actually, I’m pretty stinkin’ sure Neil Diamond would look ridiculous at the beach…  (Feel free to insert your own outrageous mental picture here.   I’ll save you from mine.)  

I need to let life be a beach more often.  Just, hopefully without the cops getting involved.

Perception.

Lil' Moment Observed

Inception can eat its heart out.  Perception is way trippier.

Looking in the mirror is a bit less of an egregious experience than it used to be, these days.  Just ask my roommate; she is a huge fan of mocking my mirror faces.  A while back, I’d been busy all day grocery shopping, cleaning house, and so on.  I was "sweatygross," as I call it, but happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the hall when I passed by, and thought to myself, “Hey…  Not bad, kid.”  It felt really, really good and I wished someone was right there to grab a photo of me.  I’ve often wondered if I see the same thing that others see.  So, due to the lack of photographer, I grabbed my camera to get a picture as I saw myself, or how I perceived myself, rather.  I managed to capture it.

This little moment totally messed with my mind, man.  And this little moment happened again tonight.  It’s so strange how I can look in the mirror, and even though I can see the difference, I don’t see myself differently.  I look in the mirror and I still see the 300+ pound girl.   So it kind of makes me wonder when, if ever, my perception of myself and the girl I see in the mirror will decide to merge. 

I am slightly biased when I look in the mirror seeing as I’m looking at myself.  Yeah…  Fairly biased.  So, how do you know if what you see in the mirror is good, or bad, or real, or what others see, or what?!

Does Heidi Klum look in the mirror and see a supermodel? 

Does Jason Schwartzman look in the mirror and see a stud?  Oh, hush up.  The fact I’m smitten with him is neither here nor there.  You get the analogy.  Humor me. 

The point is, I’ve got a ways to go in this department, and maybe one day my perception and my reality will decide to hang out.  In the meantime, I’ll be happy with my little moments.